Discovered Truths from Door-to-Door Sales

As I walk through the streets of San Diego, I take a look at myself and realize much time’s passed. As I get tired and irritable at the end of each day of knocking doors and review the day’s events over in my mind, I can’t help but realize much has been learned. It’s easy to overlook them as generalizations or as unimportant factoids, but in reality they’re profound truths, which I feel need to be shared with the world in general. Because after all, not everyone gets to go knocking door-to-door-to-door-to-door…

1. It is impossible for home-owners with dogs to open their front door for more than 7 seconds. All dogs after this point are prone to bust through the owners’ legs and attack viciously anyone in their way. Also, a dog’s bark is impossible to silence. So when a home-owner opens their door and they have a dog, please be considerate and realize you’re not going to have their undivided attention as they attempt to control their canines in your behalf.

2. It is estimated that 95% of phone calls made by people within their homes are classified as either urgent, business-related, or international. Therefore, due to the nature of these types of phone calls, they cannot under any circumstances be delayed. It should be assumed that when a resident opens their door with the phone to their ear that their current phone call falls under one of those three categories. Accordingly, it should be considered a courtesy to the door-to-door salesman when a resident goes to the extent to even whisper their situation and confirm the importance of their current phone call.

3. Dinner is a holy event. While it is known that dinner is important, the evidences that will be brought to light will confirm its upgrade to a holy event. In the event that a door-to-door salesman unknowingly knocks a door in which a family inside is dining, it is considered OK and even encouraged for one inside the house, preferably the female, to reprimand the door-to-door salesman for such a careless action as to knock on a door that said salesman should have known to have had a family dining inside. It is also correct for the victimized family to assume that the time their family eats dinner is the same time as every other family, thereby warranting greater chastisement to the salesman for such carelessness.

4. ‘No Soliciting’ signs, when posted on a house, are deemed a residential law, and as such are enforceable like unto a local or state law. Under no circumstances should a house be knocked when a ‘No Soliciting’ sign is posted. Disregard indications that the sign has been posted for 15+ years by a previous owner, or that the sign is placed in an inconspicuous location, it must be obeyed!

These are just a few of the more prominent truths which I have discovered. I’m sure more will surface as I pick at my brain. Suggestions are welcome!